A Dream Come True

Withering Blossom

“Are you sure about it, Shou? Absolutely sure?” Hiroto asked, and not for the first time. Since Shou told him of his plans he had been asking him that question seven, eight times a day, or more.

Shou has wished as much as Hiroto asked that Hiroto would shut up with the question. Nao was also with them when he revealed his grand plan yet he didn’t say anything. He only nodded in understanding even though it was apparent that he had some words of rejection to spare.  He knew that Shou will not be deterred, not with the stout determination in his eyes mirrored by the look on his face. It was the expression of a man who could not be stopped in his tracks even with a gun pointed at his head.

“I’ve thought about it more times than you’ve asked about how sure I am of this.”

Hiroto averted his eyes, nursed the cup of coffee in his hands, then put it to his lips and took careful sips, his cheeks turning pink with every action he made.

If he has to be honest with himself, he thought Shou had gone mad. It was not something someone would do to a lover. Even if it was a prank it was still inexcusable. It won’t work as an April Fool’s joke at all.

He was truly concerned for Shou. Indeed so many questions will be answered by this plan. But what if the answers that will surface are not the one they were all hoping to find? It could spell the end of their friendship, the final song of Alice Nine.

Please don’t let that happen, Hiroto prayed over the rising steam from his coffee cup. We have been together for so long and been through so many challenges and hurdles together. We can’t break down now.

Hiroto took the last croissant from the plate and started nibbling on it, unmindful of the daggers Shou was throwing at him for daring to steal his favourite croissant variant.

How did this happen, Hiroto asked in his mind. Nao would know. He may not look it but he’s very observant.

Couldn’t they have all been honest with their feelings? This raggedy mess would have been avoided and the two of them won’t be sitting here in the coffee shop they like to frequent with dark clouds and rolls of thunder over their heads.

Hiroto rubbed his eyes. Not because he was tired and wanted to lie in his bed with Mogu curled beside him in sleep. He just didn’t want to look at Shou sipping his coffee looking like he didn’t have a care in the world when in fact his lover was being mauled by another man at that moment.

He put his half-eaten croissant back on the plate.

“Why, Shou?”

“Why do you ask when you know the answer?”

“I ask because I am not sure of the answer.”

Shou took the pastry and finished it before he spoke.

“Saga and Tora have been best friends since the band formed.”

He didn’t need to add “with certain privileges on the side”.

“Nobody said a thing but we were all aware of it.”

They could easily smell it on them, especially after lives, when they’ve all showered and freshened up, the musky afterscent of sex clinging to them. Yes, they always knew.

“So when Tora came to me and said he liked me too I was surprised.”

They all were. It was most unexpected knowing what he had going on with Saga. It sounded like an impulse decision; that the two might have had a row. But Saga was his usual apathetic ero self, teasing Shou andTora, making lewd comments. Their doubts were settled.

And nothing really changed with the way they all treated each other.

“But I see it every time. When he thinks no one is looking. Saga loves Tora. That is undeniable. It’s always in his eyes when he looks at Tora. He may mask it but for anyone who looks closely it’s all there in his eyes to see.

“Every time I witness that look I can’t help but think he’s crying out, ‘Look at me. Can’t you see how much I care for you? Am I nothing more than your best friend and fuck buddy? Is there any hope we can cross those boundaries and be more than what we are now?’

“When Tora and I started going out that cry of painful hope turned into a wail of hopelessness and despair.

“He’s so good at keeping what he really feels that I was almost fooled by his jesting and hell-I-care attitude.”

True that, Hiroto agrees in his mind. If Shou almost fell for it, Hiroto went down the pit trap. His keen observations failed when confronted by Saga, master poser of lies. Perhaps Nao was fooled too, since he doesn’t remember seeing the leader trying to talk Saga out of his worries.

Hiroto reached for his cup of coffee, his frown deepening. It’s grown cold. They need this hot companion if they were to stay the night contemplating what could be the answers tomorrow.

He took a peek at Shou’s coffee. It looked cold as well.

Hiroto got up saying, “Would you like another cup?”

Shou nodded his answer, looking out of the coffee shop’s glass walls.

Hiroto strode to the counter, placed their orders, waited, and went back to their table bearing the tray with two new steaming blends. They were the solitary customers of the shop who stayed long there except for the occasional customer who sits down to drink coffee and leaves immediately afterwards. No one else lingered. Just the two of them.

They sat in minutes of silence across each other accompanied by the chatter of the staff remaining at unholy hours.

Shou surprised Hiroto by saying after a long bout of quietude, the two merely sipping their brews.

“Do you remember that demo tape Saga-san brought to us when we met for the new single? That tune was haunting. Heavy with despair, rife with unsung emotions, feelings he’s kept trapped within himself.”

Yes. Hiroto remembers it well. He had to bite his lower lip ‘til he tasted blood from it to prevent himself from crying with the torrent of irrational emotions, with the sadness and pity because of the pain he could here from the song.

It was not a momentary kind of pain that you’d feel after getting slapped or punched; the kind of pain that lingers even after the wound had closed. Its existence is not represented by a visible scar but etched deep in the soul, unseen, but there.

At the first haunting sound from the keyboard accompanied by the weeping violin, everyone in the room hitched their breaths. Time stood still with only the music counting its lifespan. No tear blazed a trail but the effect was more profound than an outward show of emotions.

Stars shine down

No one catches them when they fall

They drop to the earth

Their wings in tatters

Stars shine down

They cry; visible only the glitter and not the tears

Diamonds in the sky

Tears ignored and pain immortalized

Stars shine down

With arms outstretched and grasping hands

A body possessed by hot and cold

Summer and winter side by side

A new star is born while another dies

An endless cycle of light and darkness

Stars shine down

Even as red, blue, white, yellow and orange turn into black

A flower blooms in falling moonlight

The sun creeps in the horizon

Bathing the edges of the sky with dawn

The flower that bloomed in darkness dies

When Saga presented the tape to them, it was complete. With words.

List of chapters.

O  _  O

A/N: This is my third favourite chapter in this story. Somehow, my favourites are all rife with drama. I guess it's because I work best with them. 
The poem written above is one I specifically wrote for this chapter. It just flowed when I was sitting down thinking what would be the next lines. And the poem "Withering Blossom" happened. 
I know, I know. It's a misnomer, what with the reference to the stars. But the birth and death of a star is similar to that of a flower, don't you think?

Edit: Ugh. Typos. Changed them. If you find any, comment!

Author: Me, Myself, and I
Chapters: 8 of ?
Genre: Yaoi: Drama
Pairing: ToraxShou, ToraxSaga
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Only the story belongs to me.
Summary: Betrayal. What does that word really mean? And when it happens, will everything become an irreparable lie?

A Dream Come True

Not Guilty by Virtue of Bondage

Where is the tiger?

Gone. Hidden in the troubled depths within a curled up kitten, lying on a bed, trying to shut the world out.

A gentle hand stroked the kitten’s body, as if to say, “It’s all right. I’m right here beside you. I’ll take care of everything.”

“We’re going to die.”

“No, we’re not.”

“Do you have any idea of what we’ve done? We betrayed Shou doing that!” Tora snarled, keeping his face to his side of the bed, oblivious to Saga’s hand caressing him, trying to calm his turbulent emotions.

“I know what we did. It was simply our bodies answering to each other’s call for satiation. You were looking for release, and I myself was needy,” Saga assuaged.

“And what could you have done? You were tied up, at my mercy. You struggled, you failed.

“How can you even speak of betrayal? True betrayal would be when there are feelings involved between the two of us. Since there’s none, what transpired was purely a sexual act.”

Except on my part, there’re still some leftovers.

O             _             O

“Lights?”

“Sure.”

They were lying in bed together, a small distance between their bodies, the distance between strangers, and not of men who had been intimate just a short instant before.

Saga took the proffered stick of cigarette and the lighter that came along with it.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing of any weight to the world.”

“Is it him?”

“Who?”

“I know that you have something for that quarter guitarist of yours.”

Saga’s eyes widened at Satoshi’s comment.

“Oh, it’s so easy to see if one only looked closely. There was something different with the way you looked at him; a subtle change.”

“You should be a detective.”

Satoshi laughed.

“You can’t blame me for having a keen sense of observation.”

“What are you thinking about?” Satoshi asked again, insistent, after a brief pause.

“I want to know the degree of feelings I have left for him, and put a closure to this... dire situation once and for all. I love him but I also love Shou and Hiroto and Nao. I can’t be selfish.”

Saga turned to Satoshi inquiring, “Aren’t you bothered that I’m talking about another man when I’m in bed with you?”

“Not at all. Just consider this act as a friend helping out another friend.”

Saga smiled a smile unclouded by worries.

That made Satoshi’s lips curve up too.

“How do you plan to find out how much feelings you have left for him?”

O             _             O

The answer to that question had been put into action. And the result of that is Tora’s coldness even though at that moment they were on the same bed under one sheet of blanket.

Saga kissed Tora’s shoulder, one last act of affection, squeezed the hand clutching the blanket at his waist, and got up from the bed.

He picked up his boxers that he had thrown off earlier and left the room without bothering to put them back on. He didn’t care for decorum. Afterall, it was only he and Tora in the apartment.

O             _             O

Like it had all been set up. It was just all too convenient.

Now that the deed was over and done with, the only thing he has not yet achieved is finding and answer. 

What is the degree of his feelings for Tora now?

Love? Lust? Affection?

He doesn’t know yet but he had already taken a step to answer his own questions.

And what if the love he had felt for Tora is still as strong as ever? Ah. Something can be done about that but leaving the band is not an option.

If that would be the case, then he’d just… find somebody else to love?

He heaved a long sigh.

No use thinking about it now when his brain is so muddled.

Sleep, take me in the comfort of your embrace.

O             _             O

Tora was still curled up in a ball exactly as Saga had left him.

He still couldn’t believe it happened.

Why did he do this? his mind asks.

But one part of him has inkling as to the reason behind this betrayal.

Every time they had sex as friends with benefits, he felt it. That Saga had for him something the transcended friendship.

But he didn’t pay it much heed. If it would satiate his sexual desires, all the better.

Saga was a good partner. He’s never had any qualms about being the one on the receiving end. Rather, he enjoyed it so much with Tora that even when Tora’s tired he’d be the one to do all the necessary jobs.

Saga may sound like a slut but he was only being tru to himself and to his desires. He doesn’t throw himself at just anyone who happens to be around. He chooses carefully.

Ah, Saga, how did it come to this?

To be honest, that first episode with Shou, he used it as an excuse to extricate himself from whatever relationship he had with Saga. After almost eight years he’d felt the need to end it. It was becoming a dangerous affair.

Those times he’d been looking longingly at Shou, those looks were calculated. He knew that Shou was attracted to him, and perhaps was even in love with him. He was hungry for Shou as a man was groping for a rope that would save him and pull him up a cliff. In short, a way out.

Shou. At first he was just playing around. But then it became serious seeing how Shou was so intent in making him happy. It touched him to the core of his feelings. He learned how to love him. What happened at that fateful live, when he kissed Shou on stage, it was the final testament that the game had became real.

Now he can’t stand the thought that he had unwittingly hurt him. Saga he can deal with but Shou…

Gods, please don’t let him find out about this. I don’t want to lose him.

The tiger curled up into a kitten and cried.

O             _             O

He woke up to a kiss on his cheek. His eyes fluttered open to find a smiling Shou hovering above him. He snapped his eyes close again thinking it was merely a spectre come to torture him and needle his conscience.

He turned his back on this beautiful spectre to force himself back to sleep. He’s not ready yet to face the reality waiting for him once wakefulness overcomes sleep.

He felt the bed five in to a new weight. Go away, he said in his mind. I don’t want to face you right now. Not even the tears that dried on my face accompanying me in my grief and fanned me to sleep last night.

The river flowed on and on and went to join the sea of the fallen, unchecked. Limitless droplets mar the surface of calm, sending out ripples of pain. And so the ocean bled from within its bosom. The red paints the blue ‘til it’s no more. The crimson colour of the blood occupied everything.

“Are you angry at me for leaving you unsatisfied and alone last night?” the spectre asked.

The spectre lovingly kissed his neck and caressed his arm.

“Saga gave me an earful just now. For leaving you uncomfortably tied up.”

Tora’s eyelids flew open at the mention of Saga’s name. He sat up straight and banged his head against something solid in his suddenness.

“That hurt!”

Tora looked to the direction of the voice to find Shou nursing a swelling red bump on his forehead.

He was so surprised to find him there that his mouth just hung open, unbelieving.

“Have you been there the whole time?” he asked, his voice trembling, afraid that the vision of Shou will evaporate in a haze of smoke.

“Yes, I’ve been talking to you all along.” Shou gives him a questioning stare.

“I’m sorry. I thought I was only dreaming. I…”

Tora turned to face Shou and held his face between his hands. He caressed his cheeks with his thumbs in a circular motion, like a cat playing with a ball of yarn.

He closed his eyes as he drew their faces together, the sound of their breaths belying the tempo of their hearts. Only a small breadth of air separates their hungry lis.

Their lips quivered upon each others’, like a butterfly alighting on the bosom of a flower.

Two hungry mouths crashed, the calm ocean engulfing the turbulent sea. What started as a violent desire became the slow dance of the embers of passion.

The embers build a flame and the flame became a blaze reaching its fiery arms to the heavens. A loud crackle, a crash. The flame stills and went back to reside within the core that held it until it is fanned and called to rise again.

A knock on the door. A voice shouting, “You two come out here. You need more fuel than that. You have to eat real food.”

Tora and Shou sat up startled at Nao’s voice shouting from outside the bedroom door. Then they laughed. All the tension that was omnipresent during their lovemaking but was not given an ounce of attention to flickered like candlelight.

Tora was the first to get up from the bed. Standing in his naked glory, he held out his hand at Shou to help him stand. They stand at each other, their eyes having a conversation that their mouths did not need to speak. Their smiles spoke of everything.

They kissed tenderly. It was a kiss so gentle, not meant to fan their desires, but a kiss to reaffirm their love for each other. Even after what happened, Tora was sure that he loves Shou. No. It was because that incident happened that he was able to reaffirm how much Shou means to him now. He became sure of it when he kissed him after the encore at that eventful live but this time made him realized how much his love had grown.

“Oi! If you go for round two there will be no breakfast for you left!”

This time it was Hiroto’s voice that interjected their moment.

Tora smiled sheepishly and scratched his head.

“We better heed their summons or they’ll really eat all the food.”

Shou laughed. “Let’s. My stomach needs proper nutrition. And it demands it right now.”

A grumble issuing from Shou’s stomach confirmed what he said.

They hurriedly dressed and headed to the dining table.

There’s still heaps of food left.

Thank goodness.

O             _             O

Breakfast was quite a disconcerting affair. For Tora, at least. Saga talked and acted like nothing out of the ordinary happened the previous night. It all seemed so… normal. Yet somehow, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was out of hand, like there was a subtle change in the atmosphere. He couldn’t quite put his finger to it but he knew there was some kind of strange undercurrent, a deftly hidden tension.

O             _             O

Lies. More lies. Nao couldn’t help himself from thinking. He knew of everything that happened, especially the night last, and he knew that this sense of familiarity and camaraderie they are having in the dinner table, while enjoying their meal of tuna hotdog, egg, and bacon is close to fake. It took all of him not to rub his temples and sigh.

 Ah, what a headache. And it’s more of a pain not to be able to do anything about it. It is their own personal business and even though we’re friends it doesn’t give me the right to meddle in their affairs.

So he contents himself with the role of an onlooker, a curious bystander, an audience holding his breath, clutching the seat with his hands, eager to know what will happen in the next act of the play.

List of chapters

A/N: I've been a miserably bad author and I apologize. It took me months to finally get back to my notebook. But rest assured this time I'm going to keep the chapters coming. And I've decided to end it at around the 10th or 12th chapter. Hehe. Peace, mehn!